by Mark P. McDonald | March 19, 2020 | Comments Off on “Listen to me” — advice for building empathy, understanding and confidence
A long time ago in a career far far away, I received a piece of advice that makes a difference, particularly in times of stress. Here are those words. A simple reminder of how you can make people live up to their best selves.
Listen to me
When I ask you to listen to me, and you start giving advice. You have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me, and you begin to tell me why I should not feel that way. You have trivialized my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me. and you feel that you have to do something to solve my problem. You have failed me, strange as that may seem.
All that I asked was that you listen.
Not to talk, or do…
Just hear me
I can do it myself.
I am not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept the simple that that I do feel what I feel. No matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you, and you can get about the business of understand what is behind the irrational feeling.
And when that is clear, the answers are obvious, and I do not need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what is behind them.
So please listen … and hear me.
Wait a minute and I will listen to you.
View Free, Relevant Gartner Research
Gartner's research helps you cut through the complexity and deliver the knowledge you need to make the right decisions quickly, and with confidence.Read Free Gartner Research
Comments or opinions expressed on this blog are those of the individual contributors only, and do not necessarily represent the views of Gartner, Inc. or its management. Readers may copy and redistribute blog postings on other blogs, or otherwise for private, non-commercial or journalistic purposes, with attribution to Gartner. This content may not be used for any other purposes in any other formats or media. The content on this blog is provided on an "as-is" basis. Gartner shall not be liable for any damages whatsoever arising out of the content or use of this blog.