One of the least fun parts about being an analyst (or, I imagine working with analyst relations at a vendor) is dealing with magic quadrant and critical capabilities vendor surveys. We use these to collect information from vendors about their products when preparing these research notes. We combine this information with our assessments and impressions when doing the ratings.
The surveys themselves tend to be large detailed spreadsheets with hundreds of yes/no/partial replies and explanations. Dealing with all of these spreadsheets can get kind of tedious. So this time around, I inserted a tiny bit of fun in the questions for Enterprise File Sync and Share (EFSS) vendors. Buried amongst all the questions about supported storage models and connectors is a question asking whether they have a data center located on one of the moons of Jupiter.
As well as for fun, I had a semi-serious reason to insert that question. Sometimes it feels like vendors just answer Yes to everything we ask them, so I wanted to see if I could trip them up, I am happy to report that none of the respondents claim to support this, although some of them tried to claim partial credit with some amusing replies. We promise not to release survey responses verbatim, so I cannot include the vendor or use a direct quote. But I can paraphrase.
One vendor had obviously done some research and had narrowed their further plans down to Io, the Galilean moon with the best combination of low temperature (cheap cooling!) and abundant geothermal power from its 400 active volcanoes. Another quite seriously described its distributed content and processing capabilities, but pointed out that customers deploying on the moons of Jupiter may experience latency of access to content.
Others linked their support to partner efforts like SpaceX or creation of a dedicated secure space elevator that would make it possible. Expected availability dates varied from 2059 to “2H 3099” (I like how they specify that it will come later in that year). One vendor pointed out that they have a customer with a data center in Greenland, although I am not sure how that is relevant.
Now it is back to the spreadsheets for me, and the more serious entries.
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