This week I did something unimaginable. I opened a bottle of Merlot, poured a glass and reduced my Facebook list of friends down to 50. I started at 253 which means 203 people have been cut out of my virtual life. Actually they haven’t been cut out of my virtual life, they have been relegated to my LinkedIn page. I do not mean to say that LinkedIn is any less important to me than Facebook… well considering that I check Facebook about five times a day and I check LinkedIn about once a week, on my iPhone where the functionality is rather limited ( hint hint), I guess LinkedIn is less important to me. By the way that would change dramatically if I was unemployed and looking for a new job.
I started with my family. Unfortunately even the second cousins that I never speak to I have to keep on my list, because of my mom. Okay next 10. Next up- my college buddies. I whittled through people that I thought would be cool to talk to but I realized afterwards I hadn’t talked to in over 15 years… slice- that left three. Some old friends from the neighborhood added up to another 10 but in all honesty nine of them will probably be gone by the end of next week. (If you are from where I’m from then you would understand.) Now we come to the difficult part. Facebook is really good at recommending collates who work at Gartner and should be on my friends list. The problem is they aren’t really my friends. By the way I’m one of the lucky people in the world that could say my boss and my boss’s boss actually give a crap about my personal life and I give a crap about theirs. Add to that people like Whit Andrews, Craig Plummer (yes I call him Craig) and a few other people who I actually care about. However everyone else should be a part of my professional page on LinkedIn. Why? Because it seems every other day I am ranking and raving about something that is politically incorrect or I am quoting my favorite lines from some hard-core rap album or artist – stuff that I don’t necessarily want the people I work with work to see.
So what is the bottom line in all of this? Out of 203 people that I have cut out of my personal page only three have requested that I re-friend them. I did just that for two of them. So here’s a challenge for you:
Goto your Facebook page and whittle your friend list down to 15% — 20% of what it is today. Make hard decisions about whose status updates you really care about. For example the first love of my life used to be on my friend list and as much as I would love to say that I am now a mature adult, I secretly could care less that she has two beautiful daughters. (Actually do care but it hurts when I see them and since I am the all American macho “I can never cry” sort of man I rather say I don’t care instead of it hurts). Anyway, after you make a few passes at reducing your list monitor your requests for the next few days and you’ll be surprised at what you don’t see- that is the 80% of your now defunct friends e-mailing you as to why you have so mercilessly cut them from your virtual life.
Here is a form letter you can send to all of those business associates that insist on being a part of your personal virtual life:
Dear XXXX
Thanks for your request to be a part of my personal virtual world. I take my personal space pretty seriously but I do want to stay connected virtually and I have set up a professional page over at LinkedIn, which I would love to have you a part of. Please don’t take this personally; the reality is I’m sure you could care less as to what exceedingly normal activities my 3 ½-year-old is doing. In addition on my professional page you don’t have to update your status or feel inclined to read my nonexistent updates.
Truly your virtual professional associate,
XXXXX
Now how’s that for efficiency. Talk to you soon
-Frank
7 responses so far ↓
1 Jake Terreri // Jul 8, 2009 at 11:58 am
I’m guessing you aren’t too hot on IT vendors inviting you to join their Facebook page as a fan?
2 Whit Andrews // Jul 8, 2009 at 1:00 pm
With you, Frank. I defriended two people when I became lead analyst on Google: Because people I cover aren’t friends. That’s a personal policy I have had since I was a street reporter.
3 Loraine Lawson // Jul 14, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I have a confession to make – I have two Facebook accounts. One for my professional life and one for my personal life.
I hope this doesn’t violate some sort of Facebook policy, but I’ve actually found it quite useful. That’s because LinkedIn just fails to provide real professional networking. It doesn’t work as well as Facebook, which is really too bad.
But, like you, I don’t believe my professional contacts should be subject to my political views or video of my daughter’s violin recital. Hence, two accounts.
The term “friend,” of course, is Facebook’s term and I don’t take it particularly seriously. I don’t let their terminology stand in the way of how I use their platform.
One weird thing that has come out of my experience is I realize I actually really do rather like some of the people I only know professionally.
4 Andrea Di Maio // Jul 16, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Let me respectfully disagree with you, Frank. The last sentence in Loraine’s comment says it all. And I would also add that sometimes hints that are very relevant for me professionally come from old schoolmates, as much as personal stimula – such as an artist I did not know – come from my professional contacts.
Like Loraine, I do not take the term “friend” seriously at all. I know that my network is a mixture of people I love, people I care about, people I have a slight interest into, and I use the Facebook keeping this in mind. Should I be willing to have an intimate exchange of extreme political views that might sound incorrect or get myself in trouble, then I’d do this in a non-open Facebook group, which I will limit to those I want to have such conversations with.
The power of social networking really is in blurring the boundaries and opening to anybody YOU may have even the slightest interest in.
As far as Whit, good behavior, but old school. I think we all have to get used to broader networking. I do have as friends some of the folks I write about (more in the user space though) and Facebook often works as a wonderful place to get “behind the news”. When I post, I do keep in mind how diverse my network is, but I do not want to kill the sparkle that comes from overlapping personal and professional relations.
So Loraine, please think about having only one identity and use other means (such as groups) to make those distinctions that you really need to make.
5 Annette Rebellato // Jul 17, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Ah, Frank – we are kindred spirits! I have (from day one actually) kept my Facebook account on a “no work people” basis. Even some VERY close friends that I have at work are kept off so I don’t have to decline a hundred other requests form adding one person!
The further point I have an issue with is that – beyond the “work-inappropriate” comments, jokes or links I might make – is the ones my FRIENDS might make! I have friends that say things that may not be received well by someone else, so seeing it on my page may skew their view of me.
Bravo on making this “line in the sand” on your virtual self (now about that friend request I just sent you…).
6 Ryan // Jul 22, 2009 at 9:20 am
Frank,
You have inspired me to slash some of my facebook contacts. Quality… not quantity, right?
Plus, if you can’t feel 100% free to express yourself in your own “personal” virtual world to those with whom you really want to communicate with, then what’s the point?
7 Jim Haggard // Aug 10, 2009 at 3:30 pm
There was even an article in the Wall Street Journal about it (of all places): “OMG, We’re Not BFFs Anymore? Getting ‘Unfriended’ Online Stings” http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123007984542431845.html
It is getting cold in here.
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